I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
