so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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