My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
