its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize