There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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