Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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