there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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