what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
