I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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