This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
