Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
