now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
