Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
