Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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