im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
