I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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