There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my poor anus
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
