Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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