Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
420 ftw
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
