Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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