mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
