Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
