just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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