then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
