Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
