my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
