I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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