Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
