Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
