hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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