If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
