so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
