I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
