Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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