We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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