we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Mom said you looked used
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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