the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
