you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
