a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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