i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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