remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
