go do what you do best...puke behind churches
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
