So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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