i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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