you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
