Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
