I think I am morally bankrupt
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
