i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
