But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
