I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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