EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
