honey bunches of taint.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
