I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
