How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
