I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
