Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
