oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
...so i touched it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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