just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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