drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
