If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
