Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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