so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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