All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
