I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
