I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
