I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize